I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
