Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
