so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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