she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
