Little spoons don't ask big questions
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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