it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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