Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
