ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
