Quick, to the slutcave!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
