I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
