How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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