You can't special order awesome
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize