Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
