How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
