I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The air was thick with penises
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
