He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
