I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
