Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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