Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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