so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
