Umm I'm too high to move.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my shit smells like andre
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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