whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
