i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
