some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
