i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
