no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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