dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
