Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
