we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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