dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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