It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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