I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize