Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm always down for nudity.
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