youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
