How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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