You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
