Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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