You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
