she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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