Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
my liver is dry heaving
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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