He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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