Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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