idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
