And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
