I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Drunk is not a location!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
