wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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