well most of my day revolves around power hour
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
