I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
