If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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