I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
