i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We have started to decorate penises.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
