Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
