i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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