i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
