i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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