well I can't set my house on fire every night
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
