Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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