You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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