My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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