I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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