he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
