Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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