I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
